Complexes

You remember that text message you received from a friend who likes to forward chain messages that tells you a conversational modern parable about how life is simple and that it's only a matter of perspective?

Well, here's the thing. Nothing is ever simple no matter what perspective. Unless you're a kid forever, which is awesome and which we also know is impossible. We can never deny the fact that we're growing old and the more years we consume, the more we are aware of the complexes.

It sucks. I know. Because I deal with it too. Don't we all?

 FAMILY

Being the youngest with three brothers and a sister gave me nothing but passed-on chores and nineteen years of complete inferiority. The funny thing is, I thought differently years ago.

You see, I always thought that adults cannot sin. I used to have this belief that a child is a dumpster full of immorality and when a child reaches adulthood via education, they will be cleansed of that immorality. Oh God was I extremely wrong.

From my 'Okay, ate' 'Okay, kuya' 'I love you, ma' 'I love you, pa' came 'Samoka oy!' 'Magbuot man?' 'Ikaw diay? Pungkol ka?'

I know, I know. Maybe you're thinking-- "My God, what has this child become of?" but let me tell you, my family aren't that bad on the 'monstrosity' department themselves. Something I observed through the years of my journey to adulthood via education. 

Take note that this is not to bash them for your entertainment. It's for you to get where I'm coming from and also for you to maybe reflect on something ideal somewhere in this article-- if ever you can find any which I'm sure you will.

XXX - Here's my mom. She has this usual rags-to-riches type of stories she gladly shares every time I ask for money or receive a bunch.

Who would ever forget that story about the adventure our parents experienced traveling to school? The huge distance walked on foot through the mountains, rivers, seas, crocodiles, bridge trolls, and cyclops, unbelievably making it before the flag ceremony. It's so cliche I would blink three consecutive times.

She also never fails to make me feel like I'm a burden. Some would have their ways but hers is direct-- orally direct.

YYY - My dad's a pushover and obviously the one who's under the saya. He's a fun-loving and time-allotting type of papa when you're around three to five years old. Pass that point and he won't care anymore. He'll forget your birthday, your grade level, and hell, even your name!

AA - The eldest of the bunch. Dominant, strict, has anger issues, and all-around cocky. The favorite.

BB - The black-sheep.

CC - The obedient daughter who does everything mom says and is the embodiment of the 'dalagang Filipina.' The demure, honorable, and smart type who regretted for being so in the later almost-30's of her unmarried, still-has-ties with her parent's life.

DD - The other black-sheep.

ME - Everything my mom wanted, but the complete opposite. Loud, free, gets my way, academically and extracurricular-y active, agnostic, has liberal opinions as opposed to her conservative Philippine-mainstream perspective.

 FRIENDS

It's hard to keep up with a ton of friends. I'm surprised I even have that many. You see, the deal with 'barkadas' is the concept of having maybe two or three people which suddenly grows to almost fifty because of 'mutual friends'

The complex part of this is the pretend game you play around your circle. To pretend to actually give a damn, to pretend you're concerned, to pretend you know them all well enough only to have this awkward silence when it's only the two of you left in the room.

What I'm trying to say is that there's no knowing who's real or not. I suggest you go for the people who was there for you and maybe put in a little effort to be there for them too. 

 RELATIONSHIPS

Ahh, the famous four-letter word-- 'love' which ranks its fame only second to the also four-letter word-- 'fuck'

Let me tell you beforehand: I am not good with relationships and if there is anyone who needs to have a say on this I would be last on the list. I'll give you my bit on this but don't put in a hundred percent of your trust in it.

As it turns out, it's not the simple exclusively dating -> official couple -> engagement -> marriage -> sex -> family process. Thanks to societal development of women equality and teens making it a big deal to be single at the point of desperation, there are now 'in-between's of this so-called simple process. You know what, it doesn't even follow that order anymore. Throw those arrows away for everyone's confused mind's sake.

I don't know if I made any sense at all nor If I was consistent. Those were always luxuries I cannot afford. But let me just get one thing straight: Life is not simple nor will it ever be. It is complex and I love the complexity. I love the confusion, I love the 'huh?'s, I love the wrinkled skin between my eyebrows whenever something or someone comes up with a philosophical meaning of life that is so insane it actually makes sense...

Or maybe life IS simple. Simple as to live, laugh, love-- Naw. It's not. I'm just messing with you.